First things first: graduation. That was a tough time. I wasn’t ready to leave all my friends and “grow up”. I knew it was time and I was more than ready to get out of high school but it was still tough. My best friend was leaving me. Not by her own choice of course but she had to grow up faster than anyone ever should have to. It was hard not being able to see her and talk to her as much especially when I was going through some rough times.
I never expected to lose a best friend. Everybody has that friend they say they will stay friends with until they’re old and gray, but what happens when that friendship ends. What happens when the one person who knew every deep dark secret in your life is suddenly gone, just like that. I can tell you this, it tears a person up. It makes you question everything you’ve ever been through with that person. It makes you wonder if your friendship was ever real in the first place. How are you expected to just move on without feeling rejected and despised? How are you supposed to hang out with mutual friends without having to answer awkward questions? How are you supposed to tell people oh we aren’t friends anymore? Losing my best friend was one of the hardest things I have ever been through. It makes it hard for me to really trust people, but thankfully through it all I had true friends who were there for me.
I would be nowhere without my friends. Through everything this past summer nikki and abby and kacie were always there for me. When I needed to talk and cry way too much they were always there for me…even til 5 am. I would not have made it through without them. Which is why it was so hard for me to leave and go to college. I was not ready to grow up and be on my own. I didn’t wanna leave my family and friends and I really didn’t wanna leave matthew. How was I supposed to be away from not only my friends and family but also the love of my life. Matthew always made me smile no matter what I was going through and no matter what was going on with my life. He was sweet and loving always and I’m not really sure why.
My church is a rock. They are the most loving and the most supportive church ever. They love unconditionally and with no questions asked. It amazes me still to this day that they can love so openly and so freely and exemplify jesus so much. They are the epitomy of what the church should look like. The church shouldn’t be worried about politics or what denomination a person is, the church should simply love. We should love like Jesus with no other concerns in life. Calvary loves. That’s what they are about and I feel so blessed to be a part of it.
My parents. I have no idea why it is that God blessed me with not only the world’s greatest parents, but also two of the best friends and heroes ever. I want to be like them. I want to live my life the way they live theirs. I want to be like my mommy and my daddy. When I left for college I knew I was growing up and they wouldn’t always be there when I was at school, at least not physically. They are always there when I need to talk, but it is not the same as coming home and sitting in my daddy’s lap (yes I am 18 and I still love sitting in my daddy’s lap) or just crying to my mommy while she holds me. But they taught me so well that I know that I am prepared me well for life. They trained me to love and follow Jesus with all my heart.
With this whole new college thing I discovered that I am now expected to make my own decisions as to how to spend my money (a weak point of mine) and to what exactly I’m supposed to do with the rest of my life (cause as of right now I’m not really sure). This has taught me that I really need to rely on God and trust him with everything. And I will be the first to admit that in no way am I good at this. I still forget to pray about important decisions and do a daily devotion but I really want to do better. The only way I can get better though is to rely on God’s strength. I can’t do it on my own no matter how hard I try.
So as I conclude this very random and all over the place blog (now you can see why I want to get all these thoughts out of my head-I’m even confusing myself), I guess all I want to say is that first and foremost I love God my Lord and Savior. I love my family, Matthew, my friends, and my church. Without all those people I would not be half the person I am today! Thank you and I love you all.
